An Unexpected Invasion of the Insanity Squad
by AngelofGrace96
Summary: First in the Insanity Squad Saga. When six girls arrive in Middle Earth, they don't know what to think thankfully, when there are quests to go on and dragons to slay, there's no time for thinking! No mary Sues, and a hopefully original take on a very overused idea. Enjoy!
1. The Beginning of Everything

**An Unexpected Invasion of the Insanity Squad**

**Chapter One: The Beginning Of Everything**

**Angela: Okay, so this is the first chapter of the first story of our series, Called The Adventures of the Insanity Squad, also including Charisma Green, aka NinjaWithImagination. This is for you, Ninja!**

**Opal: So have fun, enjoy the chapter, and remember, We're all nuts. Don't blame Angela if her insanity bleeds into her stories.**

**Angela: Oi! *tackles Opal* And review!**

**oOoOoOo**

**Loki: *facepalm***

**Opal: ...**

**Loki: *facepalm***

**Opal: ?**

**Loki: *facefoot***

**Opal: OK, WHATS HAPPENING HERE!?**

**Fanta: nothing that involves me, Holly, Ninja and a mind control device.**

**Opal: fissshhhhhhhhhhhh... I will kill you... *slowly approaches Fanta***

**Loki: *hi-fives himself***

**Fanta: *uses splash and makes his way awkwardly to the door***

**Loki: *tries to hi-five Opal***

**Opal: LOKI IS TRYING TO HI-FIVE ME, THE END IS NIGH!**

**Fanta: yes! And when the apocalypse comes, Angela will not own The Hobbit, only herself, and the interpretations of Ninja, Opal, Cassie, Holly or Piper!**

**Ninja: but, that's exactly what it's like now...**

******Holly**: *hi-fives Loki*

**Opal: STOP IT! *tackles ****Holly***

**Note: Fanta is Holly's genocidal and world domineering fish. Loki is Loki. Enough said.**

oOoOoOo

Angela wandered into her room. Her friends were due to come over any minute now, and she just wanted to get away from her mother's nagging for a bit.

Without bothering to turn on the light, she crossed the room in four quick strides, and flopped onto her desk chair, only to squeak and sit up before turning on the light as she felt something large and soft underneath her.

Angela stood up and checked underneath her cautiously. Sitting there... was a backpack. She stuck her hand in and came out with a slim, stylish touchscreen phone, and an envelope. Angela stared. If her parents wanted to upgrade her phone they definitely would have given her a hint, not to mention they would never buy such an expensive gift for her. Actually, come to think of it, Angela had never seen a phone like this one before. She turned it over, and saw a message engraved on the back.

_Angela Rennison, Enemy of the Mary Sues_.

_What __does__ that mean?_ Angela wondered as she moved to turn it on, but a rustle beneath her hand distracted her, and she noticed that she was still holding the envelope. She opened it cautiously, images of letter bombs floating in her head.

_Don't worry Angela, this isn't a letter bomb._

Angela blinked in surprise. What the hell? Did this letter read her mind or something? Completely confused, but very interested, she read on.

_I think it would be 'or something' at this point. Look, to be blunt, I'm you from __roughly__ four or five years in the future. If __our designated driver didn't screw __up again-_

At this point, rougher, more scribbled letters intruded, while Angela felt her jaw drop in astonishment.

_**Hey! I'm not a bad driver!**__ Tell that to any and every one __who steps into your ship, including Susan__. Anyway Angela, the point is, the phone is a phone __that I got yesterday and it has universal roaming__, just like Rose's 'jiggery pokery' phone. Then I remembered being given the phone, today, which, again, should be April the 29th, the night of your sleepover, so __we I badgered our driver __into letting us me drop it off. To prove I'm me, when you were four, you tried to open all the christmas presents before Mum and Dad could get there, but the only one you opened was a Tellitubbies bath toy which you still have. _

_Convinced? Yeah, I thought so. _

_Anyway, have fun, enjoy the adventures coming your way, and keep an open mind! Your friends will have letters too, but don't ask what's in them, it may be quite private. My Opal near__ly __punched me in the nose and muttered something about 'secret fun' when I tried to sneak a peek, so yeah. _

_Also, this backpack, although it looks small, is 'bigger on the inside'. It will hold anything and everything you put in it, it will clean clothes if they've been in there for about five minutes, and it will never weigh loads. I can't tell you much, but you're about to be taken on an adventure, so you'll want that solar panel charger you got, loads of clothes with at least one dress - oh don't make that face, you know sometimes dresses are __necessary__ - reeeeeeeally __comfortable__ walking shoes, a light but sturdy frying pan from the kitchen__ (__you know, the small one Mum uses for fried eggs? Yeah, that one__). __Don't worry, she won't miss it. Teddius, you'll miss him if you don't, your sleeping bag__ (__it's much nicer than what you'll get if you don't__) __and anything else you think might be __useful__, including magnifying glass, a torch, rope, your pocketknife, and a compass. Good luck, and have fun!_

_Angela Rennison, Enemy of the Mary Sues. (__Don't__ worry, that's one adventure you'll find hysterical, Opal was freaking out for weeks afterwards.)_

Angela shut the letter and turned the phone over in her hands. It did sound like her, which was interesting, but why? And what adventures?

oOoOoOo

Opal walked into her room to begin packing for the sleepover at Angela's and stopped in the doorway. Something wasn't right. She swept her room with her eyes and spotted a black backpack sitting on her bed and a phone that definitely was not hers sitting on her bedside table. Opal frowned. Her mother would have told her if she'd bought Opal a new phone, and besides, the phone was like nothing she'd ever seen before. It was black, for which Opal was very thankful, and there was a message on the back.

_Opal "Koboi" Tyler, Temporal Physics Expert and Possibly the Only Girl Ever to Send At Least Three Different Kings Insane_

Opal raised an eyebrow. That was weird. She picked up the letter that had been attached to the phone and carefully unfolded it, wondering if someone was playing a practical joke.

_Hello Opal this is not a practical joke._

The hell? Were letters psychic now?

_Letters aren't psychic (except for psychic paper) but I am... Well only because I remember thinking that this was a prank when I was you. Okay, I also remember being confused while reading this note so I guess I've confused you a bit. ANYway, the condensed version of events is this._

_I'm you from four or five years in the future. Maybe. Our driver isn't great at actually driving (apparently he failed his test...). *glares at said driver* Anyway, I bought this phone which is exactly like the one I have now, which isn't surprising as the phone I have now is this exact phone. Sorry, I'm getting off topic. I... er... _convinced_ our driver to give it universal roaming (read: Rose's phone or Martha's) so now it will call anywhere you want. I probably shouldn't be giving you the phone or the bag because I'm interacting with my own past, but I don't care. I'm doing it anyway. If the universe can cope with Mary Sues (however badly)__,__ it can cope with me doing this._

_Yes, the bag is from me as well. It's bottomless and it will never weigh more than a kilogram, no matter how much stuff you put in it__. __I've __also __discovered that whatever item of clothing you put in comes out clean after it's been in the bag for a few minutes. Don't ask me how it does that, it just does. _

_I suggest you pack your stuff for Angela's sleepover into it. And don't stop there. Take toothbrush, toothpaste, clothes for cold weather, clothes for hot weather, runners, walking shoes, every single pair of socks and underwear you own, your new phone, the solar powered charger you badgered your mother into getting you when you were twelve (the correct cable for the new phone is in the bag), your headphones, a good book or four (read: entire Inheritance series), a notebook and some pens (read: just bring your pencil case and all the spare pens you have). __Oh, and a couple of dresses. You'll need to loo nice at some point. __Also bring tea. There won't be much tea where you're going and I know how much you love it (of course I do! I'm you!). __A baseball bat (make sure it's the nice, heavy wooden one, not the other one)__ wouldn't go amiss either. I think Angela told her past self to take a frying pan... And lipstick! The red one! (Don't ask, you'll find out soon enough)_

_So how do you know you can trust me? How do you know that I'm really you from the future?_

_Well, here's a few things. I know you just got back from a holiday in England yesterday, __and you were forced to spend three hours sitting in your mother's office while she had a meeting today. You__ have a big poster of Legolas on your wall that you take down whenever you__r__ friends are over so that they don't find out how much of a fangirl you are, I know that your nickname is Koboi, I know you have a TARDIS doona cover, a vortex manipulator and the Master's pocket watch__. I__ also know that your mother somehow found you a Labrador sized stuffed toy dragon when you were five and you named it Storm and used it as a pillow until you were twelve (even somehow taking it on the plane to England when you were eight. The hostesses thought you were so cute!). "Storm" is currently sitting on the end of your bed along with a large white pegasus and a large snow leopard._

Opal glanced up to where the silver coloured dragon toy was indeed sitting on the end of her bed with a snow leopard and a pegasus (her three favourite animals). Okay, as improbable as it was, she believed the letter now. It was certainly written in the way she would write something like that and it was definitely her handwriting... She glanced back at the letter and continued reading.

_I have to stop writing now as this is getting far too long and Idris and the rest of the Squad are bugging me about taking too long. You don't have to tell your friends the contents of this note if you don't want to__,__ but they've got bags and phones as well... And I think Holly somehow convinced someone to engrave "Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World" on the back of hers... And Angela is an enemy of Mary-Sues as well (that adventure will both scar you for life and make you laugh your head off)._

_Trust me, kid, your life is about one hell of a lot more interesting._

_Opal "Koboi" Tyler, Temporal Physics Expert and Possibly the Only Girl Ever to Send At Least Three Different Kings Insane (the kings will never be the same again)_

_P.S. I know you're thinking "I'm not a kid", but you're a kid compared to me and you always will be._

_P.P.S. The phone has no phone bills due to universal roaming. No more arguments at the Arguments Clinic (more commonly known as Telstra) :)_

_P.P.P.S. Not to sound vain or anything, but you age really well. :)_

_P.P.P.P.S. The Valar forgot (forget?) to change you/me completely back to human from one of the adventures you're going to have, so all photos of you/me on the phone will have you with slightly pointed ears. Nothing I can do about it, but I don't care. You won't either when you're me._

Opal frowned and inspected the bag. She found it empty and checked the note again. _Where's the cable?_ she thought. As she thought "cable" it appeared in the bag.

'Cool,' Opal said.

She checked the phone and found the photos mentioned.

_I do age well,_ she thought glad that there was no one around to hear her thoughts, _and holy Hades I do have slightly pointed ears. "Your life is about to get one hell of a lot more interesting"... What does that mean?_

Opal tossed the letter onto her desk. As she moved to turn away, she noticed a small, extra postscript on the back. Flipping it over, she read it quickly. _'Huh, this could be very interesting'_ She thought.

Opal checked the date the photos were taken and found that they were indeed taken several years into the future. Including one that looked like it was taken on the set of a Star Wars movie. That was all the proof she needed. Somehow, time travel was possible.

Her mind made up, Opal stood up, grabbed her new bag and began packing.

oOoOoOoOo

Holly wandered into her room, and was about to grab her bag to start packing for the sleepover at Angela's house when she spotted an orange bag with pink and purple polka dots on it, sitting beside a sleek black phone on her desk. "Shiny!" She poked the phone. When it didn't transform into a robot and try to kill her, she picked it up and looked it over.

On the back, it read: _Holly __Evertide__, also known as Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World_. It just barely fit.

She turned it back over again, and looked at the bag. it didn't look unusual... Holly stuck her hand inside, mimed that her hand was being eaten by invisible piranhas for a second, then pulled out a letter.

'Ooh, a letter! I wonder if it's from Arthas?' She flipped it open.

_Nope, not a letter from Arthas, sorry._

'Whoohoo, I have a psychic mindeating letter! Hear that, Fanta?' Fanta, Holly's goldfish, blew a bubble and swam away.

_I'm not a mindeater, and Fanta can't understand you__... Yet__. I'm you from four or five years in the future. Now, because I promised __our means of transport__ lots of pranks, I know that we're in the right time and place, which means you're about to go to Angela's for a sleepover. _

_This bag is bottomless-no, you cannot climb inside it - and it will never weigh more than it does when empty. Make sure you pack anything you need to travel the wilds for months on end, so lots of spare clothes, including that one nice dress I know you keep hidden at the back of your cupboard. You need to look nice at one point or another. Also pack rope, matches, things like that. I'm pretty sure Angela and Opal have chargers you can use to recharge this phone, the cord's inside. Thankfully they're __very advanced__ phones, so they only need charging every week or so, even using them 24/7. _

_Now, go, have fun, and take something large and weaponry, like a baseball bat or a large stick. Bye young me!_

_Holly __Evertide__, also known as Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World__, greets you Small One!_

Holly shut the letter, grinned, and started shoving every piece of clothing in her wardrobe in the bag, including, after a moment's consideration, the hated dress. She also grabbed all the matches her family had (12 boxes, she'd give some to Angela later)five pocket knives (two for Angela), and a cricket bat. Sturdy, but not too heavy. With a grin she shoved the new phone into a pocket, and yelled, "Mum, we're gonna be late!"

oOoOoOo

Cassie walked into her room and saw a backpack with a pineapple on its side and a black phone sitting on her desk. She picked up the phone, turned it over, and read the inscription.

'_Cassie Williamson, Minion of the Masteress, and 100% Pineapple_,' she read.

"Huh... Ooh, look a note!"

_Hi Cassie, I'm your future self. I'm about five years older than you, and don't worry, you didn't fail high school!__... I probably shouldn't have told you that... Future knowledge and all that but still._

Cassie squealed and bounced around her room for five minutes, and accidentally threw a book at her sister, Jane's head, before she calmed down and continued reading the letter.

_Wow, I was really hyper back then, wasn't I? Anyway, I'm writing this letter to you, __because__ it's very important. Pack ALL of your clothes, a sleeping bag, a torch, a pocketknife, at least one pretty dress, and anything else you'd need to survive in the woods for several months. Don't worry, there are lots of trees to climb. Still, pleeeease pack lots of sturdy clothes and really solid shoes, lots of walking. I know that you'll believe me when you read this letter so I don't need to convince you, but just in case, put your hand into your backpack, and say 'Bob'._

Cassie did so, and as she pulled her hand out, she found a small, well-worn pineapple with small sunglasses affixed to it, and a small sign that read 'Bob the Pineapple' attached to the green 'hair'. Cassie squealed again and continued reading.

_Timey-Wimey, as the __our driver says._

_Aah! Angie's yelling at me to hurry up! The bag__ is__ bottomless, so it'll fit everything you need in it easily, the phone will call anyone, anywhere __(__without signal even__)__ or phone bills, so you can keep calling Piper in the middle of the night__. Oh, __and your hair __is __going to get curlier at some point in the future. Bye!_

_Cassie Williamson, Minion of the Masteress, and 100% Pineapple_

Cassie stared at the pinapple, before grinning and running to her wardrobe. She grabbed a few handfuls of the necessary things like socks, then stood back, looking at the rest of her clothes. Pulling out two dresses, she tried to pick one, before giving up and tossing them both in, continuing to do the same until she had nearly half her wardrobe in there.

'That ought to be enough,' she told Bob, setting the bag down next to him. An adventure awaits!

oOoOoOo

Piper dashed into her room, grabbed her bag and began frantically packing for Angela's sleepover. Oh why had she been reading Harry Potter and forgotten to look at the clock?

She pulled her copy of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ from her bookshelf, causing something to clatter to the floor. Curious, she bent down and picked it up, discovering a very futuristic looking phone with a note attached.

She turned the phone over and discovered a message engraved on the back. _Piper Rolling, defender of Lupins dead and alive._

'AHHAHAHA Lupins! Still, it's kinda weird,' she said, opening the note.

_Hello me! This is your future self speaking! Yeah I know, unlikely, but hey it's true. I'm just giving you a quick heads up, you're going on an adventure with your friends, though none of you know where you're going- no it isn't Hogwarts. You'll have fun though, I promise._

_The phone is from me, and it will call anyone, anywhere, anywhen- no I am not kidding. Opal and Angela badgered our driver into activating what's called "universal roaming", which is how the phone works, even without signal. Also no phone bills, so that's good as well._

_Anyway, the bag is also from me (it's on top of your bookshelf. I would have put it on the bed, but I remember it being on the bookshelf, so tough luck). It's bottomless (think of Undetectable Expansion Charms) and it will clean your clothes if they've been in there for a few minutes._

_Pack all your clothes (including at least one nice dress), sturdy and comfortable walking shoes, runners, clothes for all weathers, a good book... Everything you might need to survive in the wild (rope, pocket knife, etc) and something that you can use to defend yourself. Opal's taking a baseball bat, Holly's taking a cricket bat, I'm not sure what Cassie's taking, probably a sturdy pineapple, and Angela's taking a frying pan. Yes, you read that right. A frying pan. It's her weapon of choice in the future._

_Ummm... I thinks that's it. Opal's writing "War And Peace" to herself, though Angela and Idris are badgering her about it... Oh, Holly just joined them. Anyway, I'm going to go and join them too, so bye! See you in five years when you will magically turn into me! (It isn't magic, it's just time, but still)._

_Piper Rolling, defender of Lupins dead and alive._

Piper grinned, and reaching up to her bookshelf, started packing.

oOoOoOo

After packing everything that her letter specified, plus some extras, Angela realized that she didn't know how to get it out again. Shoving her hand into the backpack, she nearly screamed in frustration. The inside felt like it should (read: non-enlarged), and there was nothing in it.

"Noo! Now I can't even read that stupid letter!" Angela cried in frustration.

As soon as the words 'stupid letter' crossed her lips, Angela felt a piece of paper under her fingers, and, grinning broadly, she drew the letter out.

"Whoo! I'm the best!"

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Shoving the new phone and letter into her pocket, Angela raced down the stairs. "I GOT IT!'

"Opal, did you get a letter?" Was Angela's first words when she flung open the door, to be faced with an incredibly amused Piper and Cassie.

"Well, we aren't Opal, but we did get letters, bags, and phones." Piper said, heading inside.

"Go on up, I see Opal arriving."

"Opal, did you get a lett- hi Holly- a letter?" Angela demanded in that hyper way of hers. Opal nodded, while Holly bounced inside, patted Coco, Angela's dog, before running up the stairs.

"Wow, this is heavy." Angela muttered, and Cassie appeared at the top of the stairs.

"I HEARD A BACK TO THE FUTURE QUOTE!'

"Shush Cass!"

oOoOoOo

Once they were all settled, Angela pulled out her letter. "Okay, mine said not to ask you guys what your said, but mine has no particular secrets in it, so I'll read, just to make sure we've all got the same sort of thing. She read it aloud, and by the end, they were all giggling, especially Opal.

"Secret fun... ooh, that's what she was talking about! Well... Maybe I shouldn't tell you then?"

"Nope! You have to tell, or we'll hug and tickle you to death!" Angela announced. Opal shrugged. "I'll tell you later."

"You have a Tellitubbies bath toy?" Piper giggled. Angela mock pouted.

"Like old me said, I was four!"

"Who's Teddius?"

"My teddy bear." Angela flushed slightly, daring them to laugh. They didn't.

"Well, lets try it out?" Opal switched on her phone, immediately seeing a shot of a mutinous Opal, and a grinning Angela, both quite older. "Wow, you have pointed ears too Renn!"

"OOH! LEMME SEE!"

"Check your own..."

"Alright." She turned it on, to see a shot of her sleeping, with her thumb in her mouth, being all adorable. Someone had obviously snuck up on her while sleeping. her hair was pushed behind an obvious, but slightly pointed ear. Angela felt her face flush red, and she quickly turned to the contacts page. "Here, can you guys pop your numbers in?"

"Do you have pointed ears?"

"Yeah, now the numbers?"

oOoOoOo

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Holly launched herself at Angela. Angela stepped aside, allowing Holly to land in a large pile of beanbags.

"I win again!" Angela announced.

"Come on you guys, let's get going. Can we watch Lord of the Rings?" Opal interrupted the coming calamity.

"Again?" Angela whined, but she was overruled by the others, who all agreed. "Fine. But guys, we should probably keep these bags nearby, cause they were probably given to us today probably for a reason, probably."

Opal rolled her eyes. "Nice use of the word probably."

"Shut up! Are we gonna watch this film or not?"

Just then, Piper and Cassie walked into the room. Opal stared at their pjs with astonishment and awe. "Well, we must have set the trend…" She muttered to herself.

Piper's pyjamas had a wolf on them, and Cassie's had a sheep. Looking around Opal realized that she had a moose on hers, and Holly had a goldfish. Angela was the only one who didn't meet the trend as her's had apples and banana's on them. As soon as Cassie spotted Angela she grinned. "I'll make mine fruit too!"

Immediately she grabbed a nearby sharpie and started drawing pineapples on her pyjamas. Opal groaned. "C'mon, we're starting the movie. Hop into your sleeping bags and keep your mysterious backpacks close, k?"

"Yes Koboi!" The other four girls chorused, to Opal's disgust.

"Shut it!"

"Yes Koboi!"

"UH! I GIVE UP!"

"Yay!" Cassie highfived Angela. Opal rolled her eyes and turned the movie on.

2 hours later, all the girls were asleep, blissfully ignoring Boromir's death on screen.

oOoOoOoO

Opal woke first, shivering slightly. "It's much colder here than I remember." She commented, slowly opening her eyes. "Woah."

"What's up Koboi? Woah." Angela opened her eyes too.

"I guess this is the adventure we were warned about." Opal said in a low voice, not taking her eyes off the canopy of golden leaves above them, so unlike the suburban bedroom they had gone to sleep in.

Angela bounced out of her sleeping back, extracted her bag from it, then stuffed the sleeping bag in easily. She then grabbed a bunch of clothes out and headed off to change behind a bush, calling "Wake them up for me, Opal!" behind her.

"WAKEY WAKEY RISE AND SHINE!" Opal bellowed, cackling madly when her friends jolted upright with curses.

"Wow, we've apparated to the Forest of Dean!"

"Hmm, don't think so Pip. We'd all better get changed, we are still in our pj's, you know."

"AHH!"

Ten minutes later, the girls were all dressed and packed up, looking around curiously. "So, where are we?"

"Who knows?"

"I DO!" Angela announced, smacking her head into a leaf.

"Shut up Angie." Opal sighed. "Anyone else?"

"Umm… Hi?"

The five friends spun around at the unexpected voice, coming face to face with a tall, gangly girl. She was quite tanned, with chocolate brown hair and bright green eyes.

"Who're you?" Angela bounced over to the girl. "Hey! You got a backpack too!"

"Yeah, it had a note in it that said it was from future me! Or something. There was a phone too… do you have one?"

"We all do. I'm Angela Rennison, That's Opal Tyler, Cassie Williamson, Piper Rolling, and Holly Evertide. Who're you?"

"I'm Charisma Green."

"Cool name!" Piper said admiringly.

"Shush!" Cassie cocked her head. "I hear people talking… and horses, a lot of people and horses."

"Let's go ask them! Maybe they can tell us where we are?" Opal suggested.

"Lead the way!" Angela swept her arm around grandly.

Opal stepped out of the clearing they found themselves in to see a long line of ponies coming their way. "Oh gods." Opal whispered. "There's 13 of them. Thirteen ponies. Angela, do you think we might be in Middle Earth?"

"Yeah, maybe. Hey, Thorin looks like he did in the movie, so I bet its movie version!"

"We're actually in Middle Earth… Oh gods…"

"Don't faint!" Cassie cried.

"Too late." Angela sighed.

Opal collapsed with a thump.

"Is she okay?" Charisma moved forwards but got her foot caught on a tree root and fell over with much flailing.

"Yeah, she's fine, it happens a lot. Weeell, she'll be there for a while. Do you think we should wake her up, or alert the Company so they don't leave without us?" Angela pondered aloud.

"The latter, I think." Cassie decided. "Do they have food? I'm hungry."

"Only you, Cass." Piper sighed. "Let's go ask."

"HI MR MIDGET MAN DO YOU HAVE ANY ROASTED DELICACIES?" Holly yelled at the top of her lungs. Cassie, who had been standing right next to her, actually fell over. Charisma laughed. "I think I'm going to like you guys!" She announced.

Thorin, who had not noticed the six girls next to the path, was actually quite surprised to hear yelling. He turned around, and immediately had two pinecones and a rubber thrown in his face. The only reason Angela, Charisma and Holly were not immediately treated to his Death-Glare-of-Doom™ was that he was too surprised.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm Angela, this is Cassie, Piper, Charisma whom I am now nicknaming Ninja because her name's too hard to pronounce, and Holly, and the girl on the floor is Opal. As to why we are here, well, we think we are supposed to join you on your quest."

"How do you know of our quest?" Ori piped up. At the same time, Charisma asked, "Why ninja?"

"Because you're the exact opposite, very clumsy, it seems." Piper told her calmly.

"Oh, okay."

"How do you know of our quest?" Kíli repeated.

"We know all." Piper said seriously, causing Thorin's eyebrow to raise. "Okay, I'll prove it. The hobbit whom you visited last night, Bilbo Baggins, will, come up this lane in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…"

"WAIT! Wait!" Bilbo yelled, running as fast as he possibly could, and waving the contract behind him. "I signed it!" He panted, handing the contract to Balin.

""Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield."

Just then, Opal stirred. "Angie, I had the strangest dream." She muttered. "We got these backpacks, and we went to Middle Earth, and there was this girl, and the Company…"

"Not a dream, Koboi." Angela said smugly, far too smugly in Opal's opinion.

"Aww crap." She sighed.

"So, can we join you?" Cassie asked. Thorin looked at Gandalf, but Gandalf was too busy trying to stop Holly braiding his beard to answer. Balin shrugged. "It is Thorin's decision."

"I don't like it. Six human girls, we don't know anything about, and they haven't signed the contract. No, I apologise, but you cannot come."

"Sexist bastard." Angela muttered, pulling Holly away. Thorin turned to the others. "Give the hobbit a pony."

"Now, wait a second!" Cassie yelled, and when Thorin continued to ignore her, she picked up another pinecone and threw it. Charisma thought this an excellent idea, and threw another rubber. Angela wondered how many rubbers she had, or if she'd packed lots specifically for that reason. Both of their aims were excellent, and the pinecone almost hit Thorin in the eye, while the rubber bounced off his nose. He turned slowly to look at them, and Cassie meeped and hid behind Opal. "Masteress, save me!" She cried.

"NEVER!" cried Opal maniacally. Angela rolled her eyes.

"Move out!" Thorin ordered, riding away without a glance back.

"Are we gonna follow him?" Cassie came out of hiding slowly.

"Duh." Angela and Holly said in unison.

"One question, Genii." Opal interrupted. "They're on ponies, and we're on foot. How on Middle Earth are we going to follow them?"

As if by magic, six horses appeared from behind a tree. Piper nudged Opal. "I guess that answers your question."

As they mounted up and rode away, Opal muttered, "I swear the Valar are mocking me."


	2. The Boring Filler Chapter

**An Unexpected Invasion of the Insanity Squad**

**Chapter 2**

**Loki: *facepalm***

**Opal: ...**

**Loki: *facepalm***

**Opal: ?**

**Loki: *facefoot***

**Opal: OK, WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE!?**

**Fanta: Nothing that involves me, Holly, Ninja and a mind control device.**

**Opal: fissshhhhhhhhhhhh... I will kill you... *slowly approaches Fanta***

**Loki: *hi-fives himself***

**Fanta: *uses splash and makes his way awkwardly to the door***

**Loki: *tries to hi-five Opal***

**Opal: LOKI IS TRYING TO HI-FIVE ME, THE END IS NIGH!**

**Fanta: yes! And when the apocalypse comes, Angela will not own The Hobbit, only the internet representations of Angela, Holly, Opal, Cassie, Piper and Ninja!**

**Ninja: but, that's exactly what it's like now...**

**Holly: *hi-fives Loki***

**Opal: STOP IT! *tackles Holly***

**Angela: Also, this is an apology for not dislaimering last chapter.**

**Opal: That's not-**

**Angela: IT IS SO TOO A WORD!**

oOoOoOo

"Ughh! I HATE horse riding!" Angela groaned, sliding off her horse, Destiny. They had been on the road all day, and Angela, who had only ridden tame horses once before, had been very unprepared to deal with a hard day's ride.

"Me too!"

"Definitely!" Cassie and Piper agreed immediately. Holly simply shrugged and kept patting her horse, strangely enough named Horse No. 1. Cassie's horse was named Maximus, Piper's was named Buckbeak, and Opal's was named Delta. Charisma, who was quickly adapting to her new nickname of Ninja, hadn't decided on a name yet.

"I'm fine. How about you Ninja?" Opal smirked. Angela threw a pinecone at her friend, well aware she took horse riding classes during summer.

"OW!" Opal picked up the offending pinecone and hurled it back, smacking Holly in the arm. Retaliation quickly occurred, and soon flying greenery filled the air.

Half an hour later, the six panting girls surveyed the now messy clearing.

"I honestly cannot be bothered even trying to clean up. I'm so tired!" Cassie moaned, simply pushing aside some ferns and plonking down where she sat. The others murmured assent, before Piper voiced a worrying thought.

"Uh guys? Did we pack food of any kind?"

Dead silence. The six girls looked at each other with feelings of dread. "Well… I have apples?" Angela offered. The other four Melbourne girls snorted – Angela's apple obsession was legendary.

"I have bread rolls." Ninja was foraging through her bag. Apparently if you weren't looking for anything in particular whilst looking in the backpacks, they opened up completely. Ninja was shoulder deep and tilting dangerously. Angela held her foot just in case. She personally was thinking that one time she should climb inside and see if she would ever be able to climb out again.

"I have muesli bars." Piper shrugged.

"I have various sugary dentistry nightmares as does most of the others I imagine, but I think we should save them for the road, since they will give some of us," Opal looked at Angela and Holly, "Some… inventive dreams."

"What?" Ninja was confused, especially as the others all started snickering.

"Well, Holly and Angela in particular, but also Piper, they all sleeptalk, and it can get a tad ridiculous." Cassie explained. Angela smirked, recalling fold memories.

"Yeah, especially if you give Piper ten sherbet straws in a row!"

"OI! You promised not to mention that!" Piper threw another pinecone.

"ANYWAY!" Opal cleared her throat. "We'll have apples and bread rolls for dinner. Is this okay?"

"It'll be like Narnia!" Cassie bounced in excitement.

"I've always wanted to sleep under the stars." Angela added.

"Can we cook it? I wanna taste bread roasted in an apple!" Holly bounced.

"No. No fires. We don't want to be seen." Opal closed the discussion.

oOoOoOo

"MANA!" Holly shrieked, rolling around, and managing to seize Ninja's foot even though both arms were pinned to her sides by the sleeping bag. Ninja rolled away, and bumped into Angela, who was having her own dream.

"Cassie, stop mutilating your face, it isn't funny." She mumbled. Ninja stared, although it was unseen in the darkness. These were the people she was hanging out with? They certainly were very strange… Still, it's not as if she had much choice, and it was like Kat said: Embrace the insanity! And eat bacon, but Kat was like that.

Ninja gave up on trying to sleep, and simply sat up, leaning against a nearby fir to watch the madness around her. She spotted Opal frowning at her new phone and scooted over to join her.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to figure out this new phone!" She somehow snarled in a whisper. Ninja leaned away slightly. Opal deflated. "Sorry. It's just, my older self gave me this, couldn't she find a manual or something? No, probably not… Anyway, I'm just trying to find the film or audio recorder function so I can film these idiots and show them what they were talking about when they wake up."

"Okay, well, mine should be that same model, so I'll check mine too, and if I figure it out, I'll let you know." Ninja smiled at the older girl, and pulled her own phone out of her backpack.

oOoOoOo

"Opal, we're co-old!" Holly chorused along with the others, widening her eyes until they started watering, a move that was totally planned and of course wasn't just thought up on the spot, why would you even suspect?

Opal facepalmed.

"I feel like I'm babysitting five year olds. Yes, even you Ninja." She added at the obviously insulted look Ninja was throwing her.

"Why can't we light a fire?" Holly was relentless.

"Because we'll be seen!"

"But-"

"NO! No buts!" Opal looked like she was severely resisting the temptation to rub her forehead. Holly pretended to sulk away, and sat on a rock, secretly giving her cousin the super secret code.

Yes. They did have a super secret code. Wonderfully observant, you are.

"Hey Holly, what are we gonna do?" Angela dove into the conversation with such intensity, Holly was slightly surprised that she hadn't hit rock bottom yet.

"Light a fire, obviously. Which reminds me. Here," Holly fished out half of the matchboxes she had stowed away and chucked them to Angela. Angela's answering smile was blinding.

"Whoohoo! Fire!"

"Now, I want you to distract Opal, so I can light the fire. Capsicum?"

Angela rolled her eyes. "Holly, it's Capiché, not Capsicum."

"Meh. Now go, minion!"

"I'm not your minion!" Angela protested, but she went anyway. Holly smirked.

**Two minutes later**

Opal was occupied, and the others were cold and tired of raw bread, so they agreed to help Holly with her master plan. Oh, Fanta would be so jealous that she had managed to get one over the Masteress Opal!

"She quickly built the fire, small twigs lining up against a large log to help the large log light quickly. With quick fingers trembling from excitement and did she mention the cold, Holly lit the match and let the wood blaze up with a feeling of satisfaction. They would have warmth! They would have cooked food, they would have-

Opal's hiking boot ground down on the burgeoning flames, crushing them into the newly-made ash. Holly shot looks of betrayal at the other three girls. They were supposed to be watching!

"WE. WILL. BE. SEEN!" Opal ground out through gritted teeth, seemingly only managing to stop herself from screaming by a huge force of will. "How did you not get this?! Thorin Oakenshield is over there with twelve other dwarves, a hobbit, a wizard-"

"And a partridge in a pear tree apparently." Angela muttered, but not low enough to escape Opal's wrath. She threw an extremely dirty look at Holly's cousin and muttered "Shut up Spaz," Before continuing her rant.

"He is already suspicious of us! If he saw that fire, and sent someone to investigate, he might just kill us to stop the secret of Erebor getting out! Are you purposefully trying to get his attention?" Now her voice turned sarcastic. "Would you like to just bounce around the campsite yelling at the top of your lungs, 'HELLO THORIN OAKENSHIELD, LOOK, HERE ARE THOSE TEENAGE GIRLS YOU DECIDED TO INSULT AND ABANDON SEVENN DAYS AGO, WE'RE SECRETLY STALKING YOU, MAY WE HAVE A FIRE NOW'?

"Okay." Holly grinned brightly, and proceeded to do exactly that.

Opal groaned. "I cannot even control her anymore." She moaned to Angela. "We'll have to set up watches so that we'll at least have advanced warning if Thorin gets suspicious."

"Yeah. Stay out of sight Holly." Angela ordered.

"I will." She nodded and went and sat in a corner to check if her fingers had developed frostbite yet. "Hello." She told them cheerfully.

oOoOoOo

"We need to start keeping a closer eye on them," Opal whispered to Angela as she returned from yet another of her self-imposed scouting missions. "They're telling the story of Azog now."

"So, how long till the trolls?" whispered Angela.

Opal shrugged. "No idea. It doesn't say in the movie."

"Why are we whispering?" asked a voice.

"Because they might hear us..." Opal paused. "Wait what?" she continued in her normal voice. She turned around to see who had spoken and shrieked, reaching for her baseball bat.

"Relax," said the person standing behind the squad, holding up his hands. "I'm here to help you."

Opal looked him up and down. The stranger was apparently an elf, if the pointed ears and perfect hair were anything to go by, but... Opal did a double take. What the hell was an elf doing wearing jeans and a t-shirt?

"Okay," Opal said warily. "Who the hell are you?"

The elf smiled. "Eru Illuvatar at your service," he said.

"WHAT?" Opal went white and fainted.

**A minute later**

Opal woke up. "Please tell me that was all a dream?" She begged weakly.

Cassie shrugged at her. "Nope."

Angela and Ninja stared at Eru. "Wow," the two said in unison. "You're Eru?"

"Yep!" Eru grinned cheerfully.

"Who?" asked Piper.

"I think I know the name..." Cassie said thoughtfully.

"Fanta's nemesis from the Sanity Agency!" Holly cried. "Get him!"

She was about to jump on Eru, but Cassie, Ninja and Angela held her back.

"Actually he's like the boss-god-creator-of-Middle-Earth person," Angela said. "Hence why Opal fainted." She paused. "He's like Aslan."

"ASLAN!" shrieked Cassie, glomping Eru.

"That is my name in another world," Eru said, gently prising Cassie off him.

Cassie stared. "Narnia exists?"

"Indeed it does."

"I WANNA GO TO NARNIA!"

Opal chose that moment to 'reboot' from her mental version of the Windows Blue Screen of Death™. "Holy cow. Eru Illuvatar... Okay," she said, getting to her feet. "Why are you wearing jeans and a t-shirt? It's weird to think of you as being a bloody god and you're wearing normal clothes."

Eru shrugged. "These are comfortable."

"Okay... Anyway, was there a reason for your visit, or are you merely here to try and turn us into Mary-Sues? I'm telling you, I refuse to be a Mary-Sue! Never, you hear me? NEVER!"

"Opal, the fourth wall does exist," Angela commented. "Contrary to what you seem to believe."

"I do NOT want to become a Sue!"

"I'm not going to turn you into a Sue," Eru said reassuringly. "I'm just going to make sure you stay alive for the duration of your adventures. You will still be able to get injured, you just won't die from your injuries."

"What are you going to do?" Opal asked suspiciously.

Eru flicked a hand and a golden light surrounded each of the six girls. "You are now immortal and cannot die. Also any wounds you do receive will heal much faster than normal." Opal's eyes widened and she fainted again.

**Ten minutes later...**

Opal woke up and leapt to her feet, baseball bat in hand. "Where is he?" she growled. "I'm not a Mary-Sue, I'm not a Mary-Sue!"

"But you are dressed as one!" Angela protested.

Opal looked down and shrieked at the pink frilly dress she was now wearing over her t-shirt and shorts. Her trainers had been replaced with pink high-heels, and she had a sneaking suspicion she was wearing makeup. Opal glared around at her friends and spotted Holly and Ninja openly cackling.

"They dressed me up like this!" Opal cried, pointing at Holly and Ninja. "And this can't be my dress because I hate pink!"

Angela turned to Holly and Ninja. "Well we did do the dress," Holly said.

"And the makeup," Ninja added.

"But she is a Mary-Sue!" the two girls said in unison.

"She turned me into a newt!" Piper said. Everyone looked at her. Piper shuffled her feet. "I got better."

Opal threw up her hands in defeat, grabbed her bag and stomped off to take off the dress and makeup. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that she fell over the ridiculously high high-heels she was wearing.

oOoOoOo

"Would you all just SHUT UP!" Opal spun around on Delta's back and glared at them. Cassie meeped.

"Sorry Masteress…"

"Complete. Silence. I want to know if you lot are actually capable of quiet once every decade!" Opal snapped and spun around, facing forwards stonily.

With a wide grin, Angela turned around fully, holding up her phone so they others could see the words 'GET ON TEXT NOW' that were on her screen. Feeling curious, Cassie dug her phone out, as did the others.

'So what are we doing? Cass, Minion of Masteress'

'Annoying Opal, what else? Spaz'

'How? Piper'

'By being completely silent, of course! It's what she thinks she wants, but to have us acting so out of character will actually really creep her out. Clumsy Ninja'

'Wow, that almost sounded profound. Spaz'

'Shut up Angela. Clumsy Ninja'

'You can't make me! Spaz'

'But I could tickle you! Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World'

'HOLLY, UR SIGNATURE'S TOO LONG! Spaz'

'Holly, change ur sig! Cass, Minion of Masteress'

'Holly, your sig's too long. Piper'

'NEVER! Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World'

'… Let's talk about something else, shall we? Spaz'

'Like what? Piper'

'Well, I've never read the book, and not seen the movie yet, so assuming we're following the movie, maybe someone could give me an overview? Clumsy Ninja'

'Oh yeah, me too! Piper'

'Okay. So basically Bilbo Baggins is this stuffy little hobbit who lives at home and loves food and then one day Gandalf the mighty wizard appears and is like U NEED TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE BILBO and Bilbo is like MAKE ME, so Gandalfs goes OKAY, SEE U SOON, BAI and vanishes, so Bilbos all confused but ignores it, and that night his homes invaded by dwarves, and Gandalfs just laughing and going ROFL I TOLD U SO, but then Bilbos a wuss and faint when the others tell him about the dragon, and they ask him to join and he says NO, but he wakes up the next morning, and thinks to himself YOLO and goes off to join them. Then they ride for a bit, and they have storytelling time, which we saw, then they fight and petrify trolls, and then they run into birdpoo Radagast, and he leads orcs away so they cany go to Rivendell, and Thorins just like HATE YOU ELROND, and Elrond is just HATE YOU BACK but Gandalf gets him to read the map and magic writing pops up. Then Elrond is all like ITS TOO DANGEROUS. UR A FOOL GANDALF so Gandalf sneaks them out of Rivendell, and they get in the middle of a giant fight, and then they sleep in a cave, and then they get captured by goblins and then escape by killing the king, but Bilbo falls down a hole and runs into Gollum and is like PISS OFF CREEPY WERDO, and Gollum just keeps going MY PRESCIOUS, GIVE IT TO ME, So Bilbo gets the ring, then finds the dwarves again, even though they're all like BILBOS A LOSER, HES GONE BY NOW and then Bilbo pops out and goes NOPE, SUCKERS, but then orcs come, and fight them, and burn trees down, and Bilbo saves Thorins life, and then the eagles come and drop them on the top of some really batshit random mountain. The end of part one. Spaz'

'…Wow, that felt unnecessarily long even though I know it held most contents of the movie and actually missed some stuff. Brewmaster Bobby Fisherman Fisherman Tank Joe The Eighty Ninth Of The Cenarion Circle The Kingslayer Jenkins Defender Of A Shattered World'

'IKR? Spaz'

'Well, I think I understand everything. Clumsy Ninja'

'Yeah, pretty sure I got everything. Piper'

'K, cool. Spaz'

"Okay, I give up! Why are you all so quiet?" Opal spun around. Cassie hid her phone reflexively, startled at the sudden noise after about twenty minutes of silence.

"What?"

"Why are you so quiet?" Opal repeated. "I know you're up to something, I just don't know how you're communicating to do it!"

"Um… Semafore?" Angela offered.

There was two beats of silence. Cassie broke it, howling with laughter, the others joining in, Holly almost slipping off Horse No. 1.

oOoOoOo

"Old Man!" Opal yelled to Angela, who was about five horselengths in front of the group. Angela grinned, although it was unseen.

"Girl!" She yelled back.

"Girl, sorry. Who is that girl on that horse over there?" Opal waved a hand a Ninja, who was smirking.

"I'm a female!" Angela was openly grinning now.

"What?" Opal adopted a puzzled expression.

"I'm a female. I'm not a man." 

"Well, I can't just call you 'girl'."

"You could call me Angela."

"I didn't know you were called Angela."

"Didn't bother to find out, did you?

"I did say sorry about the `old man,' but from the behind you looked-"

"What I object to," Angela was really enjoying herself now, and working herself up into a big rant, pretend or otherwise. "Is you automatically treat me like an inferior!"

"Well, I am a Masteress. Look, I have a minion!" Opal waved a hand at Cassie, who was trying to bow whilst on horseback.

"Oh Masteress, eh, very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the poor brainwashed masses - by hanging on to out-dated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-" Angela was laughing so hard she was having trouble getting the words out.

"Angie! There's some lovely blackberries over here! Oh, hello!" Piper broke in, also trying to bow on horseback. Opal nearly lost it right there, but managed to hold it in and continue.

"Hello, good lady. I am Masteress Opal, Queen of Middle-Earth." Opal didn't want to risk a bow, so she nodded her head at Piper.

"Queen of where?" Piper grinned.

"Middle-Earth."

"Where's Middle-Earth?"

"This is Middle-Earth, it is where we are now! I am its ruler!"

"I didn't know Middle-Earth had a queen. I thought it was an autonomous collective." Piper was having fun.

"You're fooling yourself. It's living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-" Angela ranted.

"Oh there you go, bringing class into it again." Piper moaned theatrically. Ninja had long ago succumbed to giggles.

" That's what it's all about! If only people would-" Angela got so riled up the brought her fist down on Destiny's neck, who snorted at her disapprovingly.

"Please, please good people, I am in haste. Who is that girl over there?"

"No one." Piper had to dodge a rubber at that one.

"What do you mean, no one?" Opal was outraged.

"Well, she's just a robot, you see, with advanced steering-"

"Yes." Opal saw where this was going now.

"And a flesh covering-"

"Yes, I see."

"And we also installed it with growth hormones, so it would be able to grow hair and skin-"

"Be quiet!"

"And also to grow, although at a decreased-"

"BE QUIET! I order you to be quiet!"

"Order, eh? Who does she think she is?" Piper complained to Angela.

"I'm your Masteress."

"Well, I didn't vote for you!" Holly had gotten tired of not being included, and had taken over Piper's job.

"You don't vote for Masters!"

"Well, how'd you become a Masteress then?"

"I smote down the Mighty Cassie, and Smaug, when we get there, and bound her to me as my minion. That is how I became a Masteress!" Opal threw a pinecone at Angela for playing dramatic music during her speech.

"Listen, lady. Binding some random girl to you as a slave-"

"Minion!" Cassie insisted.

"Slave, binding some random girl to you as a slave is absolutely no reason to declare yourself a Masteress! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical ceremony."

"Shut up!" Opal cried hands flying over her ears, while Cassie pelted Angela with pinecones for suggesting she was a slave.

"I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because I'd overpowered some hussy, they'd put me away!"

"SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Opal finally spun around and joined the pinecone assault. Angela ducked and dodged as many as she could, while shouting,

"Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!"

"SHUT UP!" Ninja joined the assault.

"COME AND SEE THE VIOLENCE INHERITING THE SYSTEM! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!"

"BLOODY PEASANT!" Opal gave in and howled with laughter, as did the rest of the squad. The horses just plodded along quietly.

oOoOoOo

"Hide!" Angela hissed, dashing back through the bushes. "Quick!"

Everyone scattered, Opal feeling glad that the horses were tethered further into the forest. She grabbed her bag, as did the others, and they all ducked under greenery or behind trees.

A few seconds later, Opal saw why, as Gandalf came storming past in a right temper. She was almost tempted to stop him, but then she remembered why he was so angry in the first place.

'_Where are you going?'_

'_To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense - Myself!'_

"Oh crap. It's the trolls. Guys, we have to find the Company now!" She hissed as soon as Gandalf was safely past.

"Yes sir ma'am lady person thing!" Angela saluted. Opal scowled at her.

"Let's go!"

oOoOoOo

**AN: If anyone is confused, which is totally not me, why would you even suspect, the order of POV's is Angela, Ninja, Holly, Opal, Cassie, Piper, Angela, Opal. Angela and Opal are probably going to have a higher percentage of POV's than the others, but I'll put some in.**

**AN 2: Apologies for Angela(my)'s text speak whilst annotating the first hobbit movie. I am well aware that not all teenagers talk or text like that, hell, we're teenagers, and we don't talk or text like that, I just wanted to amplify how stupid it sounds somewhat. Also, the first movie takes a ridiculously long time to describe unless you use text talk. And it was fun. **

**AN 3: Now, it's time for all of you to try and spot the Disney reference in here! There'll be at least one in every chapter! There's sort of one-and-a-half in this one because one of them isn't a direct quote, it's just implied. Have fun! And don't forget to review!**

**Angela**


End file.
